The Colorado-based company that makes the World’s Most Stupid Shoes has lost $185m and is cutting 2,000 jobs.
The pertinent questions here, though, are: how the fuck has this company existed for so long, and who, seriously, who, is buying these abominations?
It must be hard, nay, impossible, to do absolutely anything important or sensible in them without turning the whole thing into a farce – let’s face it, you’re never going to be taken seriously.
They are simultaneously the most ludicrous and hideous things that any human being has ever dipped their feet into. But they protect your feet from dirt and are really easy to wipe clean, aficionados say. Maybe, but if you want to pull something colourful, rubbery and annoying on your feet for those reasons alone, why not just slip into a couple of novelty condoms? You’d look less ridiculous.
And they are ridiculous. Inexplicably so. To illustrate this point, I’ve scoured the archives of time and found three examples of seminal moments from the history of mankind that were ruined simply because the main players were sporting Crocs on their feet.
1. Moon landing spoiled by astronaut’s idiotic footwear
2. Usain Bolt sets new world record but fucks it for everyone by doing it in Crocs
3. President’s inauguration tainted by Obama’s questionable sandals
Proof enough, surely, that the death of the Croc is indeed a victory for right-thinking humans everywhere.